Spark & Steady

A year-long programme for couples

When one of you is the Spark and one of you is the Steady

A warm, structured, deeply human programme for couples where one partner is ADHD and one is not, and where you are ready to understand each other properly, for the first time.

(Only 3 spots available this intake)

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You love each other.
But lately, it feels exhausting.

You feel like you are speaking two completely different languages. The misunderstandings pile up, the arguments go in circles, and one of you is carrying most of the load, whether that is the practical work, the emotional work, or both.

You have probably tried individual therapy, scrolled hours of YouTube and TikTok, maybe even couples counselling. Some of it helped, a little. But nothing has really reached the root of the problem.

That is not because you are not trying hard enough. It is because none of those approaches account for the full picture: two genuinely different minds, shaped by different nervous systems, navigating shared life together without a shared language.

The three things we work on together

1. You speak different languages

The arguments are not really about what they appear to be about. They are about two people who think, feel, and experience life differently, and who have never been given the tools to understand that difference.

We start by building a shared language: a way of talking about how a Spark brain works and how a Steady brain works, and what happens when they collide. We look at the patterns you both learned in childhood that play out every time things get heated. And we grow your curiosity about each other, which changes everything.

You will feel 100% confident talking to each other without the old frustration.

2. You are both exhausted, anxious, and emotionally overwhelmed

There is a constant feeling of being on edge. A raised voice, a misread text, a forgotten task, and suddenly you are both dysregulated. You want closeness but you are too depleted to reach for it.

We work directly with the nervous system: understanding what triggers each of you, what your body is trying to protect when you shut down or explode, and how to find your way back to calm. We also bring in positive psychology, because joy and strength are not extras; they are part of the foundation.

You will know how to steady yourselves, and each other, when things get hard.

3. You keep falling into the same patterns

Argue. Make up. Argue again. One of you takes over tasks because it is easier. One of you needs things visible to remember them; the other finds the clutter unbearable. The inequality grows quietly until it becomes resentment.

We look honestly at how the load is divided, have the deep conversations that are now possible because you have the communication tools, and design practical systems that actually work for both types of brain. Not a generic plan. Your plan.

You will have a calmer, more equal daily life that flows naturally for both of you.

By the end of 12 months, your relationship will feel like yours again.

You will understand each other in a way you never have before. You will have language, tools, and systems. You will know how to repair after a difficult moment instead of letting it fester. You will feel like partners, not opponents.

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After 3 months:

You communicate better and understand each other more. Sorting through issues together feels possible, even manageable.

After 6 months:

Your anxiety has reduced. You recognise the signs of overwhelm earlier. You both know your strengths and where they overlap. Joy starts to return.

After 9 months:

Life feels more equal and more balanced. Practical systems are in place. You have repair strategies for after arguments and a real sense of each other's needs.

After 12 months:

You have a strong foundation and a relationship manual that is entirely your own: a living document of what works for the two of you.

A year of real support, not just videos.

Monthly learning modules.
Short videos and written material, designed so you can start applying things immediately.

Weekly group calls.
Separate calls for ADHD partners and non-ADHD partners, plus a joint couples session each month.

1:1 sessions when needed.
Book a 30-minute call whenever you feel stuck. You will never be left waiting until the next group session.

Your relationship manual.
A personal, working document you build together throughout the year; a record of what works for you.

A real community.
You join the Spark and Steady Substack community, full of couples who genuinely understand where you are.

You feel like you are speaking two completely different languages. The misunderstandings pile up, the arguments go in circles, and one of you is carrying most of the load, whether that is the practical work, the emotional work, or both.

You have probably tried individual therapy, scrolled hours of YouTube and TikTok, maybe even couples counselling. Some of it helped, a little. But nothing has really reached the root of the problem.

That is not because you are not trying hard enough. It is because none of those approaches account for the full picture: two genuinely different minds, shaped by different nervous systems, navigating shared life together without a shared language.

I have been where you are.

I created Spark and Steady because I lived through these exact difficulties. I am ADHD myself, self-diagnosed as autistic, and I have navigated the same patterns, arguments, and exhaustion that you are in now.

I am an accredited coach specialising in couples with different neurotypes. I understand this from both sides: as someone who has done the personal work to understand why my own relationships struggled, and as a coach who has helped many couples find their way through.

I split up with my husband because of the same challenges you have right now. I had another relationship with similar difficulties. I learned. I changed. I worked through my old patterns. Now I help couples with different neurotypes design a life that is calmer, with less stress, and that flows more naturally for both partners.

Is this the right fit?

This programme is for you if you are a couple of any sex or gender, at least one of you is ADHD or AuDHD, you are both willing to do the work, and you believe that ADHD is not something that needs fixing.

It is probably not the right fit if you are looking for a quick how-to guide, only one of you wants to participate, or you are not ready to invest real time and energy.

If you are not quite there yet, ask about short workshops and individual sessions.

The investment

The total investment is £3,000, paid in three instalments of £1,000 every three months, with no interest charged.
After each three-month cycle we have a 1:1 to check in. If you are happy to continue, you pay the next instalment. If not, you stop, and no more is owed.

If you join and it does not feel like the right fit after the first three months, you can leave and no further payment is required.

book an introductory call

What clients say

  • “Thank you again for creating a space where we could share openly and grow together.”

  • “I had some real 'wow' moments during Anita's workshops. We really do live in a neuro typical (or neuro majority) world, where we unconsciously expect others to see the world the way we do. When we realise how other people's experiences (our partners') are vastly different, it is a shapeshifting moment. Suddenly, we can have huge empathy for difference. We SO need more of this understanding in the world. It helps HUGELY in relationships and it helps hugely in how we interact with many people in our day to day lives. I strongly advise you to sign up to work with Anita if you're pulling your hair out in your relationship with an ADHD'er!”

  • “The space to be able to look for positivity ways forward to address issues that have kept repeating themselves in our relationship for the past 15 years. And for the first time actually feeling like we both heard each other. The ability to be flexible and to be in the moment and not feel we had to stick to a set programme - it was tailors to our own needs”

  • “I loved the programme and have already recommended it to others. And I can imagine I'll keep recommending it, and you. I gained a lot more empathy and understanding about what my partner's reality might be like, especially in relationship with ME. And how we together co-create circumstances that are sometimes helpful and sometimes unhelpful to our being able to inter-relate effectively. To have this coming from someone who also has ADHD, but appears to have a very good understanding the adhder partner views and pain and level of executive functioning, makes you unique and I appreciate this very much.”

  • “I became more confident that we can navigate the obstacles and find ways to overcome the issues caused by our different brain wiring.”

  • “This workshop really help me to see that I need to focus on me and that the relationship is unfair and there is lot of work to do together “

  • “That you flexed the sessions to the needs of the group and also created a really open and friendly space which felt non-judgemental and warm.”

  • “I also think the sessions being led by you Anita having ADHD yourself and being so open about your experiences but also not defensive about issues we brought up as a group was really special, it provided a great insight to ADHDers.”

  • “I liked all of it. It was great to have a mix of sessions; some with the ADHD partners and some without. I learnt a lot from the experiences shared by the other couple as well as from Anita's very perceptive observations and comments.”

  • “I liked YOU, Anita. Your approach is very accessible - using helpful metaphors like hunters and farmers, oceans and lakes, horses and zebras. But also you bring such a warmth and empathic heart to the work, and to both the ADHD partner AND the non-ADHD partner, which feels rare in the ADHD field. Your workshop programme was like a gallon of fresh cool water for me after having walked for years in the dry desert without enough understanding or support about what was going on in my relationship and how I could work differently with it and help my partner too.”

Frequently asked questions

  • You can always book a 1:1 or 1:2 session instead. You will not fall behind just because life got in the way.

  • If you participate fully and implement the strategies, I will work with you 1:1 to help you move forward. You will not be left stuck.

  • No. One of you either has a diagnosis or has self-diagnosed. What matters is that you have done some reading and you come to the programme with an open mind.

  • Join Spark and Steady Couples and build a relationship that is calmer, more equal, and genuinely yours.