The Feather of Truth...
Maybe I have been doing this too long or maybe the market is saturated and everyone is trying too hard? Maybe I am simply exhausted by fighting a battle against opinions? Or maybe I am finally getting to that point where I truly feel that I can ‘hold two opposing truths at the same time.’
Today I went to my first expat meeting and someone asked me what I do for work. As soon as I mentioned ADHD, I got the ‘but then everyone is a bit ADHD at the moment’ comment and you know what? I let it go. Why? Because in some aspects it can seem that way.
And so here are the two truths:
Everyone is a little ADHD these days:
ADHD brains truly are different in structure (think less synaptic pruning as one example)
Modern society and the overuse of social media and quick information availability has made people less able to focus for longer periods of time
Self diagnosis is not valid:
Not everyone can afford an official diagnosis, and trying to get one through the NHS takes years. Even the Right to Choose pathway takes a long time and an increasing number of GP practices refuse Shared Care. This means that for some people self-diagnosis is the only way.
The number of social media posts that come up with some random behaviour and call it an ADHD symptom means that there are probably people that do assume they are ADHD when they are not.
Late diagnosis grief is simply wallowing in emotions:
Looking back over a lifetime of missed opportunities, risky behaviours, lost jobs, and broken relationships and then finding out that a lot of it was to do with ADHD, yep, late diagnosis grief is real.
When people stay in that grief period without working to change their life around, and when they excuse all anger and strong emotions as being ‘simply part of my ADHD and I cannot help it’ and ignore the concept of neuroplasticity, then they may well be seen as wallowing in emotions. A diagnosis does not mean you can no longer be held accountable (but that in turn does not mean that adaptations should not be made).
ADHD is a difference, not a disability:
ADHD is indeed a difference in brain structure and function and it does not necessarily make it a disability.
However, in our current society the environment we work in, live in, and get buffeted by too many stimuli causes us to be disabled. Depending on how the ADHD presents in a person, they can be more or less affected in their lives.
Entrepreneurship is an ADHD superpower:
Yes, ADHD does come with lots of novel ideas and many ADHDers are entrepreneurs and do well at it. I guess it could be seen as a superpower.
ADHDers often become entrepreneurs because they suck at being employees in most companies. And even as entrepreneurs they often need an assistant to deal with the things they struggle with. I guess it could be seen as a survival technique.
The nonADHD partner does all the heavy lifting in an ADHD/non ADHD relationship:
They often do and this often leads to them feeling more like a parent than a partner. Unsurprisingly this tends to affect intimacy.
There is no reason why the ADHD partner cannot carry an equal load. It depends how the load is divided and how their lives are organised.
nonADHD partners have to be kind to their ADHD partners and not upset them:
They certainly have to know how to deal with overwhelm and nervous system breakdowns.
They have a right to share their own emotions too. Walking on eggshells is not healthy for a relationship.
Identity-first or person-first language:
Some people feel that ADHD does not identify them and they feel it is but a small part of them. They may prefer to be called a person with ADHD.
Some people feel that ADHD is a vital part of their identity. They may prefer to be called an ADHDer. The choice is theirs.
I am bound to have forgotten one or more of these ‘two truths’ examples. Feel free to put some in the comments!
Warm wishes.
