Assumptions that make an A** out of you and me

As human beings we make an awful lot of assumptions. As I mentioned in the last newsletter, our reality is designed inside our minds from our experiences thus far. This means that our reality is different from that of anyone else. But we do not see that.

We assume everyone’s reality is the same.

We assume everyone senses the same way.

We assume everyone remembers the same way.

We assume everyone thinks the same way.

But we don’t.

My blue is not your blue (see the picture). Apparently for many people turquoise is green. For me it is blue. We all see colours differently. We can argue about it as long as we want, but it does not change our experience.

If you want to see how your ‘blue’ differs from that of the majority, do this test: https://ismy.blue/

Whereas I am above average when it comes to reading and understanding other’s emotions, I find it almost impossible to figure out my own. This is common among neurodivergent people, in particular those who are autistic or ADHD.

If you want to know if you are alexythemic, do this test: https://embrace-autism.com/toronto-alexithymia-scale/

You know all those guided visualisations that you can download and that are supposed to make you see with your internal eyes? I can’t see much with my internal eyes, but on the other hand I have a strong tactile presence in my imagination. I can FEEL surfaces, the wind in my hair, cool water on my warm skin….

And yet I can SEE colours extremely vividly, so visualisation with me depends on what I am trying to visualise. People? Terrible at it. Buildings? No chance. Nature? Much, much easier.

If you want to know how well you can visualise, do this test: https://aphantasia.com/study/vviq

Memory is a tricky thing for many ADHDers (and definitely me). I have two ways of describing my memory:

A ball of wool the cat played with (and is still playing with), so that when you pull on a thread at any one time, you may get a long piece, a short piece, or nothing.

An attic in a historic house, where generations have simply piled their unwanted belongings into, without any organisation or logic. To find something, you have to search through the entire thing and are still likely to not find it.

And yet I can retain difficult concepts with extreme clarity….

When you talk with your partner, do you know where you experience differences? In my Spark & Steady Couples programme for ADHD/nonADHD couples, I get you to walk in your partner’s shoes - to learn how they experience life.