Frustrating and Funny: When what you hear is not what is said

One of my clients (who urged me to put this in my book when I write it) told the story of spending an evening chatting up a woman in a pub, which ended abruptly when he asked her what she did for a living. What he heard was ‘a herd of dairy cows’. Being ADHD myself, I cannot for the life of me remember the story exactly and so am making the next bit up, until the punch line, which is authentic.

He started asking her what she meant about cows. She got offended at him calling her a cow. He got confused as after all, she was the one talking about cows.

It turns out that what she actually said was “I am an English teacher’

That is auditory processing difficulties.

This turned into a funny story and sometimes it can be. But it can also be frustrating, infuriating, and embarrassing. There have been many times that I have stood in front of a class of children and one of them tells me something or asked me a question, and I have no idea what they said and have to ask them to repeat it. Several times. Until in the end I get them to write it down, leaving them wondering if their accent is strange or if there is something wrong with me. It was definitely the latter.

Imagine being with your partner and you telling them something important and they keep insisting that they cannot understand what you say. What would you think? Are they being obstinate on purpose? Gaslighting you? Are you not being clear? Do they simply not listen?

Now imagine the partner with the auditory processing issues (even if they are not aware there is such a thing) and desperately wanting to hear what your partner says, but somehow it does not come across. Your partner gets upset with you. You try even harder. The stress makes the difficulty worse. You end up having an argument or they storm off crying, and all you did was try to hear what they were saying.

That is auditory processing difficulties and these are common with ADHD.

If this gave you an ‘aha’ moment and made you wonder what else there might be that is hindering your relationship from blossoming the way it could/should, my Spark & Steady Couples programme is for you.